Did I really do something that wrong?

i’m confused. i’m not sure if i really did something that bad and wrong to deserve to be told to fuck off and to get the fuck out of my (so-called) best friend’s house.

my bff (who is a guy) and i have been hanging out daily for almost 2 weeks straight. a long time ago he asked me to help him go through his garage and get together some things that he needs to sell. i agreed to help, whenever that would be. this was months ago. i have tried multiple times to get him motivated to get into that garage and make him some money. it has been futile. so early last week he said he finally wants to do it on thursday. no problem, i’m here to help. since i’ve been  hanging out with him, i’ve been neglecting my other friend, and since she’s on vacation for a week, i decided to text her on wednesday and plan a hike for friday (since i committed myself to helping him on thursday). thursday came around and once again i tried to get him to get into his garage and go through his stuff. he said he didn’t feel like it and decided he wanted to go play frisbee instead. ok, sure. no  problem, i can’t turn down an afternoon outside in the beautiful cali sunshine. he said that as long as he has a list by monday of the stuff he wants to sell, it’s all good. the day went by, and at 11pm he was falling asleep on the couch. since i had plans for the next day, i decided it was time for me to leave. i got my stuff together and went to leave when he asked me what i’m doing. i told him i’m going home, i made plans for friday with other friend. he popped up off his couch and raised his voice, telling me that i agreed to help him go through the garage friday. i told him no, i agreed to help him today (thursday) and that he didn’t want to, maybe we can do it saturday? he flipped out. he yelled at me that he told me mid afternoon that he wanted to do it friday. i never heard him say anything to that affect, i honestly don’t think he said that. i told him, what’s the big deal, it’s waited this long and he said as long as it’s done by monday, we have all weekend. he stood up, told me to fuck off and to get the fuck out of his house. i tried telling him it’s not a big thing, we have all weekend, and that he said that monday was his ‘deadline’. (mind you, this project has been in the ‘works’ since november). he kept telling me to get the fuck out of his house. all i could say was, wow. that’s really nice of you to tell me to fuck off. i grabbed  my stuff, and without engaging in any sort of yelling fight, i told him he was being a huge dick. i’m sure he called me something else, but i just shook my head and said i’m not arguing. then i left.

that was on thursday. friday morning i texted him saying ‘i’m sorry i didn’t mention earlier that i was hanging out with other friend, that was not cool. telling me to fuck off and to get the fuck out of your house was not cool either’. i didn’t get a response.

in fact, it’s sunday, and i still haven’t heard from him.

i admit that i should have told him that i had plans for the next day. but he just assumed that i didn’t. he never asks me if i have anything going on. but i’ve been banging my head against the wall trying to figure out if what i did was really that bad?   i mean, there’s never been a hurry to do this thing anyway, jeez, it’s been since november. i was being nice when i agreed to help him go through his stuff, it’s not like i wanted to. but all of a sudden, it’s a huge ordeal.

did it really warrant being told to fuck off?

help!

I’m sorry… what?

have you ever been so horny, that when you’re talking to someone all you can do is concentrate on their mouth? secretly watching every movement of their tongue, their lips….knowing what they can do, and how well they can do it? then, watching their fingers, their hands….

oh my god. that happened to me last night. talking to a guy, watching, desiring his mouth, and i just COULD NOT pay attention to a word he was saying. i’ve been on the receiving end of that mouth, that tongue, those lips, those incredibly strong hands, and i just got lost in my own fantasies as he talked about…well, whatever he was talking about.

in fact, he even got upset with me for not paying attention. ‘you’re not even listening to me!’ and all i could mumble was ‘oh, huh? i’m sorry…what? what did you say? no i’m totally listening’.

so this is how you guys feel when talking to some girls, right? i see. it can be difficult. sorry to get upset at you when you did that to me.

i need to get me some….

reading into it

we women are absolutely terrible at this. we read into things people (men) say, and spend days or even weeks trying to figure out what they ‘really mean’. ugh. it makes me crazy! i try not to fall prey, and yet, here i am, trying to figure out what he really means.

having a male friend that i’ve casually slept with, and have dealt with many, many (many) trust issues with, i’m trying to figure out what the hell he’s trying to say, cuz i’m pretty sure he’s not saying it with his words.

last week, my best girl friend texted me super late. she just got off work and was letting me know what she wants to do for her birthday. my guy friend and i were hanging out and as soon as the text came through, his eyes darted to my phone. i felt him staring at me while i read it, responded and continued our conversation. his whole attitude towards me changed after that. we were at my house and at 12:30 am he decided he wanted to go back to his house. i was ready for bed, so i suggested either he stay, or i’ll see him tomorrow. neither of those seemed to be viable options in his mind, and he talked me into going back with him. so i did. the drive was a bit awkward, i felt it but ignored it. when we got back to his house, he somewhat ignored me. i couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong. i picked up my phone and added my other friend’s bday activities to my calendar (i can’t live without it, between work and life, i gotta get everything in there!) and he stood up and announced he was going to bed, and he left in a huff. i followed him, leaving my phone in the other room, knowing his source of agitation. i do normally go to bed with my phone, i like to fall asleep to my crickets app. but this time i left it and he made a  sarcastic comment. ‘what? you’re not bringing your  phone? every night your bring your stupid phone to bed, but tonight you don’t. what the hell?’ i told him i sensed a little agitation and asked what was going on. ‘you tell me what’s going on. you’re getting late night texts. you always come to bed with your phone, but not tonight. you leave it. you tell me what’s up.’. i was very calm (altho secretly i wanted to kick him in the f’n crotch), and i told him who texted me and why. no answer from him. i took this as him not believing me. i offered up my phone as proof. and this is where i caught myself. WHAT THE FUCK? why the hell did i just offer up  my phone? this is MY private property, what I do with MY phone is MY business. i can’t believe i did that. i am so disappointed with myself. it’s none of his stupid business who i text and when. he told me he didn’t want to see my phone, and i sighed, turned over and went to sleep.

i’m still pissed at myself for even offering the phone up as evidence. we are NOT dating, we are NOT together, we are NOT a couple. we have NOT made any sort of pact/commitment. in fact we don’t talk about anything about our friendship/sleeping together thing. so why does it matter? why is it ANY of his business who contacts me and when?

it bothered me the entire next day, and i was trying to find a time to bring it up to him and see if i could get to the bottom of it. that night, we went to bed and he said something, can’t remember exactly what, but it gave me an opening, so i asked him, ‘why did you get upset when i got a late text?’. silence. he cleared his throat, more silence. then all he said ‘nothing, it’s nothing’.

then more silence. whatever. i went to sleep.

last week was his birthday. i took him out to our favorite sushi spot. we know the sushi chef and were chatting about his little boy. he had some pictures scrolling on one of those digital photo frame things, and they looked familiar. i asked if he added more photos to it or if these were still the same ones from last time. my friend looked at me and said those are all new, and i said ‘oh, they look so familiar!’ not thinking anything of it. under his breath, my friend muttered ‘what, you’ve seen these before? you must have been here on a date’. now this would normally  not bother me, but the mere suggestion that i’ve been on a date is ludicrous! he has monopolized my time completely, i haven’t even had a moment to myself let alone try to meet someone to go out on a date. i just glared at him. he felt it . i drank some sake, ate my delicious sushi and let it go.

but i’ve been letting too much of it go. why do i deal with the comments? the insinuations, and more so why do i even get bothered by the insinuations?

i just wish he would tell me what is going on in his mind. i thought men were supposed to be easy. they say what they think, say what they want. there isn’t supposed to be this ‘figuring’ out part of them.

OR, and this is just a big OR, maybe i’m wanting him to mean something by those words and that’s why i’m trying to read into stuff. (and i fall prey to the womanly stuff don’t i?). do i secretly want him to want me? of course i do. but all in all, i know it’s not something that’s possible, for many reasons. so, why do i secretly want it? who knows. self esteem? convenience? loneliness? d)all of the above*.

but i have tried to not be so one sided and really try to look at it objectively. if a girlfriend was telling me this stuff, i would think the guy has feelings for her and is being protective of her. but then reality sets back into my head and realize that’s probably not it, cuz this guy  is a player, never wants to settle down and is just wrong for a myriad of reasons. (*uh oh, add that to why i want him to want me. cuz he’s all wrong)

but for lawd’s sake, why?!? why is he acting this way?

i guess until the shit hits the fan, i won’t know.

facebook and i are no longer friends

i used to think how cool the concept of facebook really was, until in the past couple of years. Facebook was (supposedly) all about connecting and reconnecting with current friends and those from long ago. how great is that?!? my best friend from 4th grade i haven’t heard or seen in way too many years? well how you doing! let’s meet up and catch up? sure! why not?!?

guys began appearing from almost 20 years ago, ‘so and so would like to be friends confirm or ignore’. well, sure, let’s confirm to see how things are going. big mistake.

most of these guys were ones i had crushes on as a kid or teenager, and back then, they wouldn’t give me the time of day. sure, we were friends (while i secretly pined for them), hung out and did whatever kids then did. but then time moved on, people moved away, relationships, marriage, divorce, then facebook.

most recently, or as recently as the past year, one such friend popped up after 18 years. i knew him when i was 16 and i was smitten. he, of course, wanted nothing to do with me. in fact, he hooked up with one of my best friends. i was heartbroken, but at 16, fairly resilient. i decided that if he didn’t like me, then we could just hang out. so we did. looking back, i don’t even remember what we did. i know i hung out with him while he worked the graveyard shift at the local gas station.

so when he found me on facebook, i thought, ‘wow! awesome! i wonder how he’s doing?!’. we chatted on the phone once, maybe twice but i don’t even think it was twice…i’m not sure. he lives on the other side of the country, far far away from la la land. we caught up and that was that.

then 2 weeks ago i get a fb message that he’s in town to care for his dad who had a heart attack. his dad is fine, and how cool that he’s near so we can meet up, have a drink and catch up in person.

and then it got weird.

he started sending me dirty, lewd texts. making remarks about how good i looked, how sexy my halloween costume was (it’s june. what? oh, facebook) hold on there buddy, we never had that relationship 18 years ago, what makes you think you can go there now? (and i’m just not a huge fan of ‘sexting’ or whatever to begin with). he kept telling me how awesome it would be to see me, and continued with the lewd texts. i tried to reel him back in, and thought i did so successfully, but they continued. finally, i just ignored him for the next day. and i get a text that says ‘what? no dirty text today?’ ( i never sent him any to begin with, so not sure where he came up with that). he tried to back pedal throughout the next day and said he was only joking, playing around. he said i’m a tough girl, and i can take it. (huh?). so, the day after that, i texted him to ask when i can come visit him. he went from sure come down and visit for the afternoon/evening to spend the night here (with me on the couch of my dad’s one bedroom apartment), to why don’t you drive (53 miles one way) here and pick me up and we can go back to your place and i can hang out with you for a few days or until you get sick of me. (holy jeezus, did he really just invite himself to stay with me for a few days???? wtf?) and then drive him another  53 miles to take him back?!? oh, hell no. no thank you.

the next 5 days was spent dodging him. multiple calls a day, countless texts and i still ignored. i made up stories. i lied through my teeth. take a hint buddy. you ain’t gettin near me. (granted, in hindsight, i should have just told him he creeped me the fuck out, but i’m not very good at that).

he left town yesterday. i didn’t see him. i got creeped out. it didn’t start to make sense until i pieced it all together. he’s a facebook creeper. he never posts anything, he never comments on anything, but in actual conversation he would bring up details from my page. the lewd texts, the expectations of bedding me while he’s in town, were all way out of control for someone who i thought was a friend. and why did i think he was so innocent? facebook. he’s in my inner circle of ‘friends’.

facebook gives us all a false sense of security. we all know not to accept friend requests from strangers (stranger danger!), we all know not to meet up with people we only know from the internet-or if we do, not alone, in public places etc. we’ve all heard the stories. we all know better. but what about the people we thought were our friends? the people we knew way back when? we haven’t seen or heard from them in 20 years, but all of a sudden we give them full liberty to peer into our daily lives, our activities, our pictures, our ‘likes’. we think it’s ok, cuz i know them. i have my privacy settings all set properly for the freaks out there, so it’s ok. this is a ‘friend’ of mine. he’s been let into the inner circle, so it’s ok.

but what do you know about them? NOTHING! you know nothing. you have no idea what they’ve been up to for 20 years (prison sentence anyone?). you know how much you’ve grown and changed in the past 20 years, why on earth would you think that this is the same person you knew? they too have grown and changed, and not necessarily in a positive way. and yet, you give them full liberty to peer, to creep and to stalk you daily by accepting their friendship on some website.

so, you think i’m saying don’t accept friend requests form long ago friends? no. i’m not saying that. accept who ever the hell you want. i’m just saying be wary. lots of people (men and women alike-my best guy friend had this happened to him) are out there ‘searching for past loves’ (ever see that stupid commercial? ugh) or what ever they think they let slip through their fingers so long ago. they may be at a point in their lives where they are in completely miserable marriages/relationships, or never married, never found the ‘one’ and are now feeling a touch desperate,  so they don’t spend the rest of their lives alone, they figure, ‘what does it hurt? i’ll just ‘reconnect’ with this old girlfriend/boyfriend/friend/coworker/fill-in-the-blank and maybe this is the one.’ we women are notorious for the bullshit disney has shoved down our throats of finding our prince charming, but with our new technological twist. blah. but, just be careful what you share, what you say and what you post. and for goodness sake, stop with the check in’s. people like this check in business, but to me it’s just license for a stalker/creeper to follow your every move even closer. what if he lives nearby? what if he decides that while you’re out-of-town (cuz you checked in at your local airport) he decides to stop by your place for a little quiet visit? or you ‘accidentally’ bump into him at that restaurant you just checked into. no thanks.

this is the third time this has happened to me. third time’s a charm. except this time i didn’t fall into the trap, he didn’t come over, and i didn’t see him. i’ve learned. so far, i’ve removed every picture, stopped updating my status, and in the process of removing tags from other people’s pictures. i’m on the fence about actually deleting my whole profile. i’ve deleted ‘friends’, but i do still get some good info via facebook, and i’ve gotten some work through it as well. i even have a business page for work.

so as much as i would love to unfriend facebook, i just think i’m going to hang out in the wings for a while. geez, now it sounds like i’m the creeper.

be wary out there….

 

2 out of 73 (minutes)

Have you ever been friends with someone and feel like it’s not an equal friendship? When you talk on the phone, or while hanging out, and 99% of the conversation revolves around them? They may ask you about your day, how you’re feeling or what’s going on with you, but only an hour into the conversation (if you can call one person babbling on only to stop for the occasional ‘are you there? ‘ a conversation).
The other night, my ‘bff’ got off work at midnight and called me as he drove home. I didn’t mind, I’m usually up anyways, but the funny thing was that instead of looking forward to our convo, I actually dreaded it. I knew exactly what was going to happen: he would talk about work, complain or what not, and anytime I would try to give my opinion, it would either totally get rejected or ignored. let me say, that does not make for a good convo, nor does it make me want to answer the phone when he calls.
I actually timed it, out of 1 hour 13 minutes of conversation, approximately 2 minutes concerned me.

It’s super frustrating to want to contribute to a conversation only to get completely ignored and interrupted. 
I was talking with this same friend one day in the car, i wanted to tell a story about how my best girl friend and I almost got into a girl fight with 2 other girls (and what guy wouldn’t want to hear about a girl fight?), but I got interrupted so he could point out an apartment that he almost moved in to. Um, what? You interrupt me to tell me where you ALMOST lived? What the fuck? That’s so rude!
Needless to say, I’ve been re-evaluating our friendship.

I guess I am naive

I was at dinner last night with my guy bff and I was telling him about a guy friend that recently came back into my life. Unfortunately this guy can’t be in my life anymore because he wants me to be his ‘chick on the side’ (he’s married) and I’m not interested in being that. I made the mistake of making out with him one drunken night, but I shut it down before it went any further.
My bff didn’t believe me that I shut it down, he said that as an adult, it’s complete bullshit that I would start something then shut it down. I explained how it exactly happened, and yet he still doesn’t believe the fact that I stopped it. And yet I did. (this also goes back to the whole mistrust thing between us.) But before I digress….
I talked to this guy yesterday and he kept pushing for a ‘naughty’ picture of me, begging me to email him one. First off, I’m not into that. I did it once with my ex and the picture got around his work and it was the most embarrassing thing ever. So, I don’t do naughty pics. 2nd, he’s married and I don’t want to be the other woman. My ex cheated on me repeatedly and I wouldn’t want to put another woman through that. Granted, her man is going to cheat, but not with me. After I talked to him, he sent me an explicit email once again asking for the picture. Not gonna happen.
So, telling my bff this, and that I was truly offended by this, he couldn’t understand why I was upset. He told me that I had already provoked this guy and I’ve already given him something (by making out with him) and of course he expects me to continue. After going back and forth, I still didn’t understand. Apparently bff got to the point where he raised his voice and said ‘you can’t be this naive, can you? I hear you talking and all I keep thinking is this chick faking it or she’s truly naive, she can’t be this naive. Are you really that naive?’
well, apparently I am. I was so hurt by his comment. I feel like he just called me stupid to my face. what am I supposed to say? apparently I am that naive. He just looked at me in disbelief, said that I’m faking it. So now he’s calling me stupid AND a liar.
The only thing I could say, as I choked back tears, is that in my life I haven’t been really pursued by a whole lot of guys, and most of the time I don’t know what I’m doing and I get thrown.
That’s the truth. In the past 17 years, I’ve been in 2 relationships that totaled 14 years. I’m 34. My dating experiences are extremely limited. I learned a while ago that I get to the game a little late. It’s been the story of my life; college (i was 25 when I started), career (i was 30 when I started my business), I was even born a week late, and now dating. The only thing I was early to was a divorce.

So, yeah, I am THAT naive.

Thanks bff for making me feel totally stupid. and calling me a liar. It’s times like these that I question our friendship.

mistrust

how do you deal with mistrust in a friendship?

my best friend  has accused me of doing something that i didn’t do. and no matter what i say, there’s nothing that has changed his mind.

i have always had the idea about friendships, and more so with a best friend, that there’s no need to lie about anything. your bff is supposed to accept you for who you are, as you are, with all imperfections. there shouldn’t be any reason to lie or put up any fronts.

but maybe i should clarify what i’ve been accused of, because without it, it doesn’t make any sense. over the holidays, i met up with bff at his brother’s house. i stayed with them for a week. we bummed around, drank and just had some good fun visiting his family. on the second to last day  he began making some comments that didn’t make sense. i tired asking him to clarify, but he clammed up and refused to talk about it. after we came home, he was different. he was super nice and super sweet to me. asking me about my divorce (which was odd cuz as long as i’ve known him he really hasn’t asked me about it, nor have we talked about it.), and i really started to appreciate him for asking. i even mentioned to my other bff how weird it was how nice he was. ironically, that night we had a huge fight. i tried talking about it, clear the air on what the hell was the problem, but i got another clam. the next morning, he kicked me out of his house. i burst into tears and started to leave. he changed his mind, asks me to stay and talk. then he drops the bomb, ‘did you sleep with my brother?’. WHAAAAAT? and then, all of the comments, remarks and questions fell into focus. so that’s what he meant with all of that bullshit. NO. I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIS BROTHER. wouldn’t have even occured to me. never have wanted to. not even remotely attracted to him. NO.

and that’s when it all hit the fan.

he was, and still is, completely convinced that i did.

we’ve had some fights over the past couple of months, and it all stems from this. he doesn’t believe me, and he doesn’t trust me. i’ve had this overwhelming sense to prove to him that i’m not a liar, but to no avail. and honestly, i’m getting super tired of it.

i feel like i have to watch what i say because he extrapolates every word and tries to find hidden meanings in them. he’s trying to find something in what i say, do, or act that will validate what he THINKS is truth.

i’ve never, in any type of relationship, been the one accused of lying. this is completely foreign to me. i’m unsure how to proceed with this.

we’ve talked about it (i’m all for talking things out, clearing the air. i’ve got absolutely nothing to hide, and i will talk about it as many times as he wants) but there hasn’t been any resolution. he even told me during one of our recent talks that this may never be resolved, that this might be something we just have to deal with. um, no. i’m not ok with that. i’m not ok with my best friend thinking i’m a liar. i’m not ok with having to censor myself. i’m not ok with going on with this.

and there’s a tiny part of me, the part that studied psychology for many years (just enough to be dangerous with the information) that thinks he’s transferring and projecting his feelings onto me. maybe he’s the one that’s lied to me about things. (i don’t have any siblings or friends that he can sleep with, but that’s not the important part, it’s the lying). he knows how loyal (to a fault, obviously) i am to my friends and he feels bad (?) that he has not reciprocated that to me.

jeez, who the hell knows. i’m not getting a true and full story from him, so i’m trying not to focus on the maybes too much.

but i’m truly stuck on what to do here.

how do you deal and what are you supposed to do when your best friend thinks you’re a liar?

 

what do you mean ‘yet’?

i was coming back home to la la land from thanksgiving at the ‘rents when i got stuck at san francisco airport for a few hours. i was put on standby for the next flight, and booked for the flight after that, so i had a few hours to kill. the first thing i did? i hit the bar. nothing like people watching at a great airport like san francisco with a little bit of a buzz on. i hung out at the bar, and there was absolutely no one there to chat with, even the bartender was a grouch. i headed back a little early to my standby flight, had a seat and played angry birds on my phone (oh, those birds are soooo angry, and those pigs?! such architectural geniuses!). i watched the masses go past me, the group of military boys, the new young family, visibly nervous about flying with their new little one, the gay couple in love, and the business men rushing by in their wrinkle free suits and suitcases. i looked over next to me and made a comment to the guy waiting there how there are never enough outlets to go around these days. he laughed, i laughed and we struck up a great conversation. he was on standby too, for the same flight, and for the flight that i was booked on. turns out he’s headed to la la land too. when neither one of us got on the flight, we had another 2 hours to kill, so i suggested he by me a drink at the bar. he obliged, and drinks turned into a nice shared lunch as well.  we didn’t end up sitting next to each other on the flight down, but probably best since i ended up taking a nice long nap.

i woke up a bit fuzzy, got off the plane, and apparently walked right past my new friend who was waiting for me. i ended up giving him my number and told him we should grab a drink while he’s in town since we had some good laughs at the airport bar.

we texted for a few days, and finally he asked me out. but this after his texts started to get weird. and by weird i mean he started to say things like how wonderful i am, how it was fate that we met, etc etc. red flags in my book. we met up for drinks at the other room in venice. i’ve never been there and wanted to check it out. so i got all dolled up, despite the rain, and headed out.

he was already there, and i sat down next to him, and boy was i disappointed! i totally forgot what he looked like! talk about beer goggles (‘cept mine were made of gin). but you know, it’s cool, it’s not all about looks right? we had some good laughs so rather than high tailing it out of there, i stayed and wanted to have a good time.

now i’m all for people watching. it’s one of my favorite past times. but there is a fine line between having some fun and being straight up mean and judgmental. he was crossing that line. i told him i needed another drink, and he went to the bar. i noticed the guy next to me was alone so i said hi and struck up some conversation. when my drink came back, oh, i mean my  new friend, he got a little too weird about me talking to the guy next to me.

‘why are you talking to him’

‘cuz he’s alone and he was playing angry birds on his tablet’ (ok, by the way, who the hell brings a tablet to a bar? alone or not, that’s just lame).

‘well, you’re here with me, so you don’t have to talk to him now.’

ummmm, ok. this should have been a clue for me, should have excused myself and ran out the door, but i didn’t.

we chatted and we decided to go grab a bite to eat. he’s not an adventurous eater (boo) so i suggested c&o for italian. i already had some drinks and didn’t feel comfortable driving, so we hopped into his car and left. (not the best ideas, but so it goes).

dinner itself was good. he kinda gave me grief for not asking about his kids, but i’m like why? i don’t really care about your teenaged kids. sorry, but i don’t. during dinner i got a text from my cousin. i excused myself and went outside for a smoke and to text him back. my new ‘friend’ got a little too nosy about who i was texting and why. i don’t have to explain shit to you, so none of your business. which is what i thought, but the polite Miss A just brushed it off and told him it was family.  he then told me about how he doesn’t smoke but ‘loves women that do’ and then proceeded to tell me how the only way it was ok with him that his ex smoked is if she came in right afterwards and gave him a big kiss. he liked the taste. well, holy jeezus. what a freak. i should have left then. a cab wouldn’t have cost that much to get me back to my car. i told him not to expect that from me, i laughed and moved the conversation forward. we went across the street to cabo for some drinks, but it was empty in there. it was a rainy day in la la land, and we angelenos don’t know how to deal with rain. we had a drink, but i wasn’t feeling it anymore and i was tired. i wanted the whole night to end. i started yawning. (in my defense, i had a long day of work, in addition to him boring the hell out of me). we chatted more, but he kept checking out the waitress. didn’t really bother me, but he told me i ‘shouldn’t’ talk to the guy at the other room, so….whatever. then he proceeded to try to bet me that she was a lesbian. this went on for over half an hour. it was so lame. the bouncer came upstairs to close the patio, but he hung out with us for a little while and shot the shit. ‘friend’ asked him if she was a lesbian, and bouncer had the BEST answer for him

‘just cuz a chick doesn’t hit on you, doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian’

OH MY GOD! THAT WAS PERFECT! i high-fived bouncer and laughed so hard.

‘friend’ didn’t appreciate that. we left shortly thereafter.

(this is where my naiveness comes into play). he wanted to drive around and check out some local sights. well, it’s a late rainy sunday night and there’s nothing to see. we drove past where my car was and next thing i know we’re near the santa monica pier. he remembers me telling him i lived near there and then said ‘i gotta go to the bathroom’. um, ok. ‘there’s a gas station right there, or a jack in the box. you could go in there’. he gave me this hurt look and i tried to stand my ground. but then the nice Miss A got the best of me. if the situation was reversed, i had to pee and the guy lived around the corner and he wouldn’t let me use his bathroom, i’d be pisssed. so i told him we can go to my house, but there is a one minute time limit. he can pee and we leave. there’s no looking around, no saying hi to my cat, no asking questions. you pee, we leave.

‘do i make myself clear?’ ‘yes’. ‘are you sure? we’re clear? you pee, we leave’.

he pees (but i don’t think he did) and then he comes up to me and kisses me. um, sure, well, ok, but just to shut him up. then i try to leave. this is where i truly got scared for a minute. he backed me into my kitchen, i pushed him away and he kept slowly coming at me. humor wasn’t working. so many thoughts racing through my head.  i got around him, took control of the situation, took an authoritative tone in my voice and made him get out the door. i should’ve stayed home. i could’ve picked up my car the next day. but i didn’t. i got in the car with him and told him to take me back to my car.

he then asks me why  i kissed him then kicked him out of my house. i was like  ’what? you kissed me. where the hell were you?’ we then had this whole argument about why i didn’t want to stay at my house, the whole kiss thing.

‘are we seriously arguing about this right now? this is not an argument. i told you, you pee, we leave. you understood the terms of the agreement’.

oh my god. then he tries to tell me all sorts of crap. ‘it’s not like i wanted to have sex with you or anything’ (ya, sure. had you been nicer, less fuckin weird and a lot more attractive, it would have happened).

‘it’s just you’re so beautiful, fun, attractive and funny. i’m just so attracted to you’.

‘well, thank you, but you’re still arguing over why we didn’t stay at my place. i’m done with it’.

(and then he said this):

‘are you attracted to me?’

*silence*

*more silence, i clear my throat*

‘um, i, um….kinda. but, you know, um, for me, um, it’s not all about looks, so…’

(are we near my car yet?)

‘well, like i said, i wasn’t trying to have sex with you. i just wanted to get to know you better. you’re so wonderful. that’s all. it’s not like i wanna marry you yet. (UM, WTF? YET? YET????) i can move down here, we can be friends and see how it goes from there’.

‘um, yeah, ok. well, i’m not looking for ANY sort of serious relationship. long distance, short distance, that’s not where i’m at in my life. so…’

(where the hell is my fucking car?!?)

and the rest was a blur. i just concentrated on making sure this guy doesn’t go psycho on me. and we finally make it back to my car.

i kiss him goodnight-just so he doesn’t….well, i’m not sure what. but he said it was a kiss off instead of a kiss (well he read that one right now didn’t he?)

he then kissed me, yuck, just thinking about it makes me wanna rinse with pure alcohol. apparently he was satisfied with that one. i got out of the car, into mine, and took off like a bat out of hell. i kept my eyes on the rear view mirror the whole time, taking small side streets all the way home, making sure no one was behind me.

he texted me a few minutes after i left,

‘that was the greatest kiss. i’m sad. it was hard to see you go’

i didn’t respond.

in fact, i ignored his texts for days.

he was back in la la land for 3 more days a week after the terrible date, and he asked me out again. i told him i couldn’t, i was too busy with work.

he’s home now, somewhere in washington state. he still texts me, and to be nice, i respond every now and again. he sends me stupid animated texts like a snowman with a boner, or some thing absolutely childlike like that. i don’t respond.

he texted me a couple nights ago, he’s coming back to la la land the first of next month, wants to take me out again.

too bad i’ll be out of town with my best friend. but he won’t know that.

freak.

Sometimes it’s nice

I’ll admit it.

It’s nice to be desired. Whether it’s from the 20 year old at the verizin store or the 39 year old married friend from 10 years ago, it’s nice.
It’s good for the ego, it’s good for the self esteem, and it’s certainly good for the soul.

some people surprise me

i spent hours on the phone with my best girl friend last week complaining about how my other bff can sometimes be an extremely selfish person. it’s been a topic with in the past couple of years that’s been bugging me. other than my bff T (best girl friend), 99% of the people i’ve befriended have turned out to be extremely selfish people, and i end up feeling used and abused in the friendship. my bff T explained to me that i’m just a very giving and tolerant person and i generally don’t say anything until it’s too late. sounds like i’m a doormat though doesn’t it?

case in point:

my other bff (best guy friend) seriously injured his knee. he was on crutches for weeks, couldn’t walk and needed all sorts of help. i offered to help him out around the house; some chores, making food, getting (fetching) him water, going to the video store etc. i didn’t mind, he needed help and i was there.

i helped him for weeks. i noticed his limp was a little less severe, but he still shook his empty glass at me, and i still got up and fetched him a glass of water. i was really starting to resent him, and my generosity was really beginning to wane. he ended up going to work, but he was still limping. i thought my helping (read:servitude) was over, since he went to work but it wasn’t. he was set to go out of town, and the week before he left was tough for me. he still asked for help, and i obliged. altho i secretly wanted to strangle him. i didn’t want to explode the fury within on him, so i jokingly mentioned that he was fine and now he’s just lazy and testing me to see how far i’d go in helping him. he said i was right. huh? i was?

(side note, i’ve realized he does this. he tests me. he’ll see how far he can get me to go in situations. or he’ll mention that he doesn’t like it when women do certain things-wear a type of clothing, makeup, jewelry, whatever-and then will see if i change whatever it is he doesn’t like. and just so you know, i don’t change a damn thing about me!)

so, he admitted to seeing how long i’d help him while he’s a gimp and i told him, if he can work, he can walk to the kitchen. mind you, i was REALLY sarcastic which meant i was pissed. so my helping and generosity stopped.

he came back into town, and i picked him up from the airport (i know, whatever, he takes me and picks me up when i need it) and we hung out, telling stories of what went on while he was out of town.

he was rifling through his suitcase and pulled out a beautiful bottle of wine. to my surprise, he gave it to me. he’s been traveling all summer, and not once did he bring me anything. but this time, he said he made it a point to find something nice for me. i asked why, and he said he wanted to thank me for all of my help in taking care of him while he was injured. wow. cool! thanks!

then, i went out of town for a couple of days, and on my way back he really wanted me to stop by his house. so i did, he did after all, have cocktails. when i got there, he was really excited to show me his new fridge and all the food he just bought. it’s the little things in life, like a functioning fridge, that make us happy! he pulled out a box of red vines (my favorites) and said he got them for me. ??? cool, thanks. then he shows me the videos he rented for us, and he said he got me the one i’ve wanted to see forever. (the girl with the dragon tattoo. it’s in swedish, and he has refused to watch anything subtitled). whaaat? i’m confused. why? he knew i’ve been wanting to see it, so he got it for me.

i know this doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is. i know a friendship is give and take, but sometimes with him, it’s usually i give, and he takes. i sometimes feel like i’m just there for…..well, i don’t even know why. well, i do. it’s BECAUSE i give and generally don’t ask for anything in return. but i think in a friendship, i feel like you shouldn’t have to ask for the give and take in return. so to have him consciously make a decision (3 even!) to be generous is a huge deal!