another bad pick up line

went out last night to a cool little spot in culver city called the alibi room for an acquaintance’s birthday. i was pretty proud of myself cuz this was the first time i showed up to a bar by myself. i know, it’s not that big of a deal, but i didn’t know anyone other than the bday boy and to show up by myself is a big thing for me. so yay me on that one.

the alibi room is pretty cool, it’s tiny. it’s literally a room with a fireplace and a bar with a really good vibe. i’ve been wanting to go there ever since i found out that the Kogi trucks started here, and i’m madly in love with the korean bbq taco trucks. the food is pure heaven after a night of drinking. although i missed the food, the kitchen closed at midnight. *sigh* i was so sad.

anyhoo….

i showed up and found bday boy instantly and grabbed a drink. my fav-a gin and tonic. yuuum. i’m introduced to a myriad of people, all of whom are from either germany or switzerland. had a nice time chatting up with the peeps. i made my way out to the little patio for a smoke and meet some more interesting people. you always meet people while smoking.

and then there was this little youngin’….his name is chase. he’s 24 and from south dakota. poor thing. he wants to fit into LA so bad. he had all sorts of cliché going on, from his hair, to his clothes to the things he talked about. i actually felt a little sorry for him. he so wants to be LA, that he hasn’t figured out his own identity yet, so he scooped up whatever he saw on tv before moving here and made it his own. he’s still young and trying to figure himself out so good for him, i guess.

and then this little gem fell out of his mouth. (and just a bit of info, i have red hair. it’s not a screaming, not-found-in-nature red, but auburn)

gem: “so did you buy your purse to match your hair?”

me: “i’m sorry, what?”

him: “did you buy your red purse to match your red hair?”

me: “um, no. i’m going back in now”

him: staring blankly “oh, ok, maybe i’ll see you inside”

2 hours later, bday boy and friends leave and i stayed a little longer while getting chatted up by the cute bouncer.

chase is at the bar, really drunk. it’s a good thing that bar was there to hold him up. i close out my tab and chase blearily looks up and another gem pops out

gem: “you’re by far the hottest girl in here”

me: “thank you, that’s very nice of you to say. it’s not gonna work”

him: taken aback “wha, huh? um. work? wha? i’m gonna walk you to your car” (at least that’s what i think he said. something about walking and a car. i’m not sure, maybe he needed a ride cuz he was walking? i don’t know but drunkey chase is not getting in my car, nor is he following me to my car)

chase walked out disappointed. i walked out as well, but he stood there staring at me. so i turned around and walked back in and shot the shit with the bouncer a little more until drunkey chase decided to give up.

he didn’t. he waited until i walked out. but then i walked out right past him like i didn’t see him and walked with the mightiest of intentions. i had somewhere to go! home! by myself! to my very own, lovely warm bed.

the funny thing is, this is not the first time i’ve heard that line about my purse and my hair.

and it didn’t work that time either.

if you’re gonna use a pick up line, at least make it funny. i’ve used some pretty cheezy ones myself, but if you get a laugh, then you’re golden!

when friendships end

it’s sad when friendships end. especially ones that have lasted a good chunk of time. my friendship with my friend T was for over 14 years and i’m kinda sad to see it go. kinda.

i met T when i was 19. she was passed out in my boyfriend’s bed. i was so pissed at the time! i remember asking “who the hell is the blonde passed out in your bed???” and the answer was simple, ‘oh, that’s just T.” after getting upset, not knowing who she was and seeing her passed out in my man’s bed, i got to know her and we became inseparable.

we never really had fights like other friends did. she and i are pretty easy going and we really didn’t have lots of things that got between us. for most of the years i knew her, i was in some sort of relationship. we really didn’t have a lot of ’single girls hittin the town’ until i moved to LA last year. the only time i remember really getting upset with her was a year and a half ago when i was going through my  divorce. i really had to get out of town (she was living in LA) and she told me to come down and hang out for the weekend and get some BFF time in. i really needed it at the time. i was miserable. as i was getting my stuff together, she called me and told me she had a date. her dates usually end up bad (not my words but hers) and she usually takes them home and sleeps with them and she ends up wondering why they don’t call her back. knowing this, and her saying that i can still come and visit ”if i want to” really pissed me off. it’s the ONLY time i really needed her to be there for me. i brought it up to her, she said she had no idea that it upset me and she’d be there more for me. we got through it and everything was fine.

when it was time for me to move, i chose LA because she (and 2 other of my close friends) was here. things were great for a while. i got super sick back in march, i felt like i was on my deathbed. i couldn’t get out of bed for 5 days. she called me to see how i was feeling and if i needed anything. oh, did i ever. i just needed some gatorade and some soup. her answer? ‘oh, well, i’m not really in the area. sorry. can’t you call your ex?’. what??? she had the nerve to ask me if i needed anything, and then tell me no, and to call my ex husband? ohh, that made me mad. but i looked past it. like i did with everything with her. i looked past it.

it started to get hard to look past certain things as we hung out more and more. whenever we went out, she turned into my mother. i would go out to smoke, and not a minute later, i would get a text from her: ‘where the hell are you? get back in here now!’ or i would get similar texts. ‘don’t go outside with that guy’ or other ones that basically told me what i could and couldn’t do. that really started to wear on me. for crying out loud! i’m 33…i already have a mom. thanks for the concern though.

in july, she jumped head first into a relationship with an old friend of hers. it was a bad idea from the get go. i stood by her through the whole thing, tried to help her see things in the big picture, but she wouldn’t have it. i’m not her mom, and she’s old enough to make her own decisions. so i backed down from letting her know what i thought and basically just listened to the ensuing misery of her relationship. (long story short, she REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to get married, and clearly it doesn’t seem to matter to who, love doesn’t seem to be a factor. her criteria: he has a nice car, makes lots of money, is good looking, has a house, no kids, no prior marriages, and will let her stay at home and not work. she’s 37, those are some really tough criteria for some man to meet. good luck to the poor schlep who tries.

i stopped hearing from her around august. wasn’t exactly sure why, but i had my feelings. she is one of those people who can’t juggle friends and a relationship at the same time. i figured she’d come around when she’s ready. then i get an email from her in early november telling me how she’s not sure what she did to me to make me mad at her. wait, huh? then she continues on this 22 page dramatic email how she feels she now has to say goodbye to her best friend. why? i emailed her back, letting her know my side of things. i told her friendships have an ebb and flow to them, and this is just an ebb and things are gonna be ok. she ended up coming to my house one night to hang out. by the way, in the year that i’ve lived in LA, this was the first time she came over to hang out. THE FIRST. things were a bit awkward, but with lots of wine, we talked. she told me how horrible her relationship is, how miserable she is. i listened. we made plans to go out, just the two of us. of course that never happened.

i really tried to be a friend. i called her, texted her. to no responses. i called her on christmas. i got a text a few days later. i called her on new years, again, i got a text a few days later. i called again. this time absolutely no response.

what pushed me over the edge was this: she started her own business, and needed my services. what normally would cost another client over $1000, i told her i could do for $200. that’s a helluva discount. i’m in financial dire straits, and really need the money. she even admitted to me to shopping around for others to do the job and they quoted her as much as $1600. so all of a sudden, $200 doesn’t sound so bad right? wrong. i was on facebook a couple of weeks ago, and saw her business fan page. and lo and behold, she hired someone else to do the job. (and poorly i might add). that did it for me right then and there. i removed her from my friends, removed her from my biz’s fan page and fumed. went out with a mutual friend of ours and he asked me when i did the job for her. i told her i didn’t and his face froze. even he was astonished. she made such a point to tell me “well, if i’m gonna pay for someone to do this, i might as well give my best friend the money”. ya right.

so today, i write to get this whole thing out of my system. once and for all. i don’t want to think about it anymore. i don’t want to dwell on it anymore. i’m done.

i’m just a little sad that a friendship has ended.

Yous

been hanging out a lot with bff lately. we’re both lean on finances and we have a good time whatever we do.

saturday night, looking to hang out somewhere else than at the house, he suggests we go down to one of his friend’s house in oc. they’ve all known each other for 20+ years and i heard so much about these people, that my curiosity was killing me. apparently the wife of his friend is a major bitch, and i just love to witness stuff like that. i love it when people freak out/get bitchy and i get to watch. especially when i have absolutely nothing to do with it. i know, i’m a bit sadistic that way. but it keeps me entertained.

so we head down there, and they had popped a bottle of wine and had already started drinking by the fire outside. (yea, love the outdoor firepits-came home smelling like i jumped in a campfire…really, i do love it). so bff and i pour ourselves drinks- gin and tonics. apparently we now travel with our own booze…

bff and his friends met in chicago, where bff is from and they all did crazy stupid stuff while some were in the military. i heard more stories of ‘chasing tail’ in one night than a girl needs for quite a while.

my bff says this:

” you know, it wasn’t until i was in the militrary that i found out YOUS wasn’t a word. my drill instructor heard me say it and asked me what the hell ‘yous’ was. i told him ’sir, YOUS is the plural of YOU SIR’!”

i laughed hysterically until i practically fell off my lounge chair.

i’m actually sitting here with him now, and he said (now imagine a chicago accent)  ”well, i just figured they skipped it in school. you know, you, yous…..”

that has to be one of the funniest things i’ve heard all year.

viva las vegas

i love being single. i really love the ‘let’s go anywhere right now’ attitude that comes with it!

had quite the whirlwind of trips this holiday weekend.

my bff (had falling out with old bff, this is new bff-he’s been promoted from bgf-best guy friend- to bff) had a cousin get married in vegas last weekend and wanted to cruise out from la la land to say congrats and hello to family he hasn’t seen in 16 years. naturally i offered my services as bff to accompany him on his vegas trip. even if it’s just to sit in the car and keep him company. we weren’t really thinking of staying more than a night, even if it’s a no sleep night kinda night. my only parameters were that we drink heavily, or as much as allowed and still drive, and to make it back to LAX by 10am sunday morning. I had a flight to visit my fam for thanksgiving leaving 11am on sunday.

so, to recap: leave LA friday night, drink heavily, get back to LAX by 10 am sunday. easy breezy.

just after 10 pm friday night

we have a 4 hour ride. no worries. his brother, nephew, dad, cousin and other various members are already out partying. ‘alright, but make sure you guys are still up when we get there’. but as the night and  drive wore on, the fam was more and moreinebrieted, we weren’t sure if they were gonna make it for our arrival. our sleeping accomadations were with brother and nephew, so at least they were gonna make it right? wrong.

2am

no ones picking up their phones. all we knew was they’re staying at the luxor. no room number no nothing. thank goodness for smart phones! i got online with his wonder of a phone (i have severe phone envy. his rocks. it’s not an iphone. it’s better) and hooked up a hotel room. that was an interesting convo, i spent most of it trying to tell the other end that we were showing up in 20 minutes, not later that night. we finally score a room at the luxuirous stratosphere.

3 am

we have our first cocktails in hand. he gambled and i watched, cheering him on in my own way. i don’t like to gamble, so i’m just there for the free drinks and for moral support.

5am

5 cocktails later, we are just as ineberiated as brother and nephew must have been.

6am

we stumble to our room

7am

passed out

10am saturday morning

i am up, still drunk and take a shower. somehow manage to get my shit together enough to make myself look somwhat decent. oh, yea, and there was a wedding to attend at 2:30. plenty of time to get ready. i need tea. he needs coffee.

11:30am

he needs a haircut and out comes the smartphone. we find the nearest not so near fantastic sams and pop in. we both look in the mirror and realize we should not be out amongst normal, non casino people. we look like shit. i feel great tho, still drunk. the hangover hadn’t quite made it through the system yet, altho it was creeping.

12:30pm

meet up with brother and nephew. (um, hi there nephew, you’re kinda cute! this will be fun!). hit the bar for the first couple rounds of g&ts. brother has a joint, and we go to the car to smoke it, and discuss the ‘getting ready’ plans for the wedding. now, if you’ve ever been to vegas, you know that just walking to your car from your room is in itself a fuckin 1 hour 22 min walk. i was not gonna make that walk more than necessary so i decide i’m just gonna change in the car. as we’re walking out to the car, brother starts to dry heave. it’s the funniest thing i’ve heard in a week. i wasn’t sure if he was gonna make it, i envisioned puke splashing everywhere on the skybridge. luckily, he ran towards the trash can, dry heaving all the way and makes it in the trash. i’m dying. i haven’t seen a 40 year old in that condition in a while. we get to the car, smoke the joint and i strip down to bra and panties in the parking lot. i didn’t care who saw or what they thought. i just needed to look cute for the wedding. i change, bff and bro are impressed with my skills-and i even got a couple of compliments. nice.

1:15pm

make the long ass walk to brother’s room, which happens to be on the other freaking side of the world. stoned and back on track to gettin drunk, i wait in the room as the boys change. not bad watching a bunch of hotties gettin all cleaned up. i had to keep my composure tho, they are like deer, you can’t spook ‘em. otherwise they get embarrassed and the show’s over. i was caught by bff, but he just laughed. hey, they oogle the hot girls and waitresses in skimpy outfits, let me oogle some good looking men.

2:00pm

meet up with extended fam and get in the cabs to go to the very very end of the strip to where all the chapels are. i’m having severe traumatic flashbacks. i got married in vegas. at the little white wedding chapel (the same one britney spears did, but i did 2 years earlier. funny how they both ended up-in divorce). still having flashbacks and now a severe craving for a g&t (gin and tonic), we end up at the graceland chapel. cute. real cute. and of course elvis is there.

2:30pm

elvis hits on me. but he later apologizes cuz he thought i was the bride. so wait, it’s ok if you’re hitting on the bride? whatever. itsvegas. nothing makes sense in vegas. the ceremony itself was short and sweet, and very funny! i was in the very back, and all i could see of elvis was the hip pumping and gyrating and that was enough for me! we hung out, took some pics and it was done.

3:30pm

at the bar for some more g&t’s. dinner for the reception isn’t until 5 so we hang and drink and we all talk. of course, here and there some of them are playing the slots. i just go along for the ride. i’m doing my best to hang with nephew. seems like a really good guy. wonder what he’s like in between the sheets……ok, that was the gin and tonics talking…i love it when the gin and tonics talk.

4:30pm

meet up with extended fam, and the tequila shots begin. ouch. tequila. we stumble to the taxi line and fall into a taxi to get over to planet hollywood for dinner.

5:00pm

dinner at some brazilian steakhouse. dad was keeping me nicely buzzed. everytime i looked down there was a g&t there. saweet! i’m wearing a super cute dress by the way. the girls were nicely shown off, not slutty, but nice. and every man in there noticed. hence, the g&t’s on the table! gotta work whatcha have, my girls aren’t the biggest, but it’s all in how you work it. a female cousin and i had sat next to one another during the ceremony and we had a good time. she  seemed nice. a little conservative, but nice. clearly she noticed my girls too. in a brazilian steakhouse, they come around with skewers of meat and slice them off for you as you like. i didn’t realize it until girl cousin spoke up, but all the waiters were coming around to me first-and i was not in the most convienent location either. but there was a line of them. ‘roasted chicken miss?’, ‘would you like some pork loin miss?’, ‘filet mignon miss?’. i had a pile of meat (ha ha ha literally and figuritilvely) in front of me, while the rest of the table waited. girl cousin said she needed to hang out with more so she could get learn how to work it. that makes me laugh even now. dinner was great, and i realized that this was the first time since getting into vegas that i ate food. g&t’s don’t count?

8:00pm

it’s all kinda blur from here. i know at one point i couldn’t walk in my heels any more,m and i needed to change, i stripped again in the parking lot-this time hottie pottie nephew watched too-and again amazed with my skills, the boys and i were hitting it up. more drinks, they gambled and i watched, more drinks.

11:00pm

bff and i discuss if we should sleep or if we should just pull an all nighter. i vote all nighter. but then we have to vote who drives home. some how i get roped into driving home (which is yay kinda, cuz i’ve been wanting to drive his truck since i’ve met him, but he’s never let me…). i make it a point to tell everyone that come midnight, no more drinking for me. i have to drive in 5 hours.

1:00am

why is there a g&t in my hand? i thought i was driving home? ok, well, i’ll just finish up this one and that’s it.

2:00am

shit. there’s another g&t in my hand. i didn’t even order this one. wtf?

3:00am

we stumble up to brother and nephew’s room for a catnap. watch as paid prostitute works her way up the elevators and goes to work. the boys’ heads are following her ass. one day, with enough working out, my ass will do that to a group of guys as well. ok, gotta get up by 4:30.

3:30am

who the hell ordered the roll away bed? and what the fuck for? why are they calling the room to let us know? fuuuuck.

4:30am

some alarm is going off. time to get up and hit the road. what day is it?

5:00am

bff and i are in the truck, hitting the road. it feels like a new day. even tho we just went to bed 2 hours ago. he drives the whole way, and i stayed up to keep him company. it’s the least i could do.

9:30am sunday morning

checking into my southwest flight at LAX. i look like hell. i’m starving. still drunk? not yet hungover? i smell like vegas. and gin. lots of gin.

11:00am

sitting on my flight with a nasty little snot nosed kid named jacob behind me. kicking my seat. if i had more strength, i would have thrown him out the emergency door.

2:30pm

my brother picks me up. ‘you stink like cigarettes’. i run into the bathroom of the airport, strip-get a nasty ‘oh my goodness’ from crazy lady, and change.

3:30pm

saying hello to my family for the thanksgiving holiday. playing with my niece.

8:00pm

passed out and didn’t get up until 8 am the next day.

i love being a single woman. doing what i want, when i want and with who i want.

viva las vegas!

bad date

so if a date is going kinda bad, is it wrong to be giving out my number to other guys?

it happened twice. last night i was on a date with a guy i met last month, we went to a bar. he shoulda known better than to take a date to a bar. it wasn’t going that great, and the bouncer was super nice and kinda cute. so i slid my number to him when date wasn’t looking.

went on lunch date with bouncer today. good time.

then date boy from last night wanted a second go at things, said ok (ditched the gay friends to hang with the straight boys. girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do). met up with said date, brought a friend (happens to be a guy…) and the conversation was so lacking i would have preferred to have had a root canal. met a really really cute boy while outside smoking. did i mention he was super cute??? oh my.

on our way out of the bar-early i might add-headed straight for super duper cute boy and gave him my number. he texted me right away. can’t wait to go out with him.

my question:

if the date isn’t going so well, is it THAT wrong to keep an eye out for other potentials? especially if date is at a freakin bar???

i didn’t think so.

facebook wants to help

this is in response to sarahtableforone

her facebook wanted to help her meet some men. and until now i didn’t notice how facebook wanted to help me meet my ideal mate.

girl, i feel your pain!

here’s how facebook wants to help me:

sarah, you’re young-i’m 33 and according to facebook, i need a single professional mature dad.

great. thanks facebook.

the only straight guy in there

last night was a friend of mine’s birthday. he’s a new friend of mine, and a good one at that. he was hurt that one of his best friends decided to throw a halloween party the same night as his birthday, and was getting a little bitchy about it. gay guys tend to do that.

i showed up to his house, informs me we won’t be staying very long at the halloween party because its his birthday and we’re only making an appearance. fine by me. i don’t know any these people anyway and honestly i’m just looking to have fun with my boys!

we thought we were so fashionably late, at over an hour…but with the gays that is not the case! the party didn’t even bother getting started until 2 hours after official ’start’ time. by that time, however, we helped ourselves to all the fresh drinks (read: VODKA) and food. food? not really, cheese and chips and grapes. got some cheese in me, can’t be drinking on an empty stomach now can i?

the party is in full swing, my friend whispers in my ear ‘you know there is a straight guy in here somewhere’. awesome! sounds like a challenge! more like finding a needle in a very muscular, shirtless haystack. now, i have damn good gay-dar (or at least i like to think i do) and it takes me only one pass through the party to find him. of course, his costume screamed ‘i’m straight’ from across the room. he was dressed as slash from guns’n'roses. and the key words here are DRESSED. we all know that halloween is like the gay holiday of the year, and like slutty girls on halloween, the skimpier the better. but guys can get away with being 98% naked.

with plenty of social lubrication (VODKA)-and this may be my best move to date- i looked at him, pointed at him, then at me, then pointed outside and mouthed the word ‘NOW’.

he completely obliged, left the conversation and we walked outside. we smoked a cigarette (yes, i know..smoking is bad blah blah blah, but in cases like these it’s fantastic) and chit chatted for a few minutes. then we made out like a couple of high schoolers at a keg party.

‘BREEDERS!!!’ yes, we got yelled at by the gays.

my friend wanted to go dancing, and we decide to go to micky’s. one of my favorite places!  and it was time to leave the party. ok, bye everyone-wait who is this following me? slash. oh, ok, come dancing with us…girls love a guy is comfortable enough with his own sexuality and with himself to not only walk into a gay club, but to dance? points for this guy!

we danced the night away, made out like a couple of drunks and had lots o’ fun.

my friend left that club, and i text him, ‘where r u?’, his response ‘bar’. that made me laugh. um, which bar? weho has like 1000 1/2 bars all in one stretch. doesn’t matter. i’d find him later on anyway. i just knew that i would.

slash and i are walking back to my friend’s house to get my car, (and this kills me) he asks me what was it about him that made me go up to him. really now? am i supposed to HONESTLY answer that? mind you i find out he’s 25, i’m 8 years older than him.

my answer ‘you’re hot’

my HONEST answer?

you’re the only straight guy in there.

girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do right?

carrying a torch for 15 years

but i’m not the one carrying it.

had an interesting week this past week with an old friend. 15 years ago this boy and i were inseparable, i was 18, he was 20. we were young and stupid and i suffered from severe lack of self-esteem and self-respect. and although this boy and i were the ‘best of friends’ he was also one of my best girl friend’s on-again off-again boyfriend. and i did something very wrong. i slept with him. not once, but twice. he was the second boy i ever slept with ( i was a late bloomer-don’t worry, i’m making up for it now). he gave me attention, and not necessarily good attention, but at that point, i took what ever i could get. he was such a dickhead. he went on and on about how much he loved his girlfriend, as we are hooking up, and how he would never do anything to hurt her, as he hooked up with others.

so i did what i thought a good friend would do, and i called her and told her. she yelled at me (rightfully so) and told me that i was only telling her to alleviate my own guilt, and then hung up on me. but honestly, that wasn’t the case. i didn’t get to tell her that he was a dick, that she shouldn’t believe anything he says cuz it’s all lies and he can’t possibly care for her as much as he says he does cuz he’s cheating on her, not only with me but with others too. i never got to tell her that, and we haven’t talked since.

7 years after we all parted ways, i got a random phone call from a private investigator telling me that this boy had hired him to find me (?) and that if i’m so inclined, here’s his phone number give him a call. ummmm, ok. that’s wierd. i had just gotten married to fucker, and let me tell you that was awkward having to explain why this boy from so long ago hired someone to find me. of course i had absolutely no idea why.

curiosity got the best of me and i did end up calling him. he said he’s had a lot of time to think, he’s been travelling across the country alone and that he wanted to apologize to me for treating me like shit. wow. um, ok. thanks. of course i still didn’t know WHY he was doing this. i thought, well he must be in some sort of recovery program, step 9 ‘Make Amends’. i chalked it up to AA and called it good.

fast forward to january ‘09. living in la la land, still dealing with my soon-to-be-ex-fucker and this boy pops up on facebook. ‘how fun’ i think, ’sure why not???’ i think. what could be the harm in saying hello? ha, had i known!

he’s also going through a divorce (his second by the way), and as the old saying goes ‘misery loves company’. so we commiserated in our divorces and how grand life will be once we get these horrible people out of our lives. we didn’t talk too much of the past, we talked about our hopes and dreams for our (respective) futures.

his wife got wind of this, and she threatened to call me and “put me in my  place”. first of all, bring it on sister. second of all, i did nothing wrong. then the boy disappeared for a couple of months. no harm no foul in my book, wasn’t that amazing of a friendship anyway, he lives across the country and i kinda got tired of hearing about the woe is me part of his life. i had already come out of that and was really starting to get into the groove of being a single woman and really LOVING IT.

he tells me he’s planning a trip out to CA and how wonderful it would be to get together and go out to dinner etc. sure! why the hell not!!?!? however, i did start to notice a different mood from him, a different vibe if you will. i’ve told him numerous times that i’m not interested in having any sort of relationshit, (yes, mock me-I just sort of quoted dane cook, and as douchey as the guy is, that always makes me laugh. it’s not a relationship, it’s a relationSHIT) that i’m out just to have fun and date and live life. so i picked up on his vibe, and i thought ‘awesome, this could be really a fun hook up!!! i’ve learned a few things since we hooked up last’. so i played into it a little and was getting ready to have a great weekend.

bgf (best guy friend) RD warns me against the possibilities of what can go awry. but do you think i listened? HELL NO! a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do!

down i go to where he’s staying, and let me tell you, i looked freakin HOT. i made sure of it. i even confirmed hottness factor with bgfRD and he concurred. i was smokin’! i figured you treated me like shit 15 years ago, here’s what you missed out on. i just wanted to drop a jaw. which by the way, I DID. (and from what he told me later, it was more than just a dropped jaw, he got instant arousal. win for me!).

we caught up for a little, drank, smoked and drank and we went for dinner. now we all know that alcohol is a social lubricant, so of course the ”talking” started. he exploded with the fact that he basically made a huge mistake 15 years ago, how he should’ve broken up with his girlfriend and should’ve gone for me then. ok, so far. then he tells me how he blames all of his failed relationships on the fact that he didn’t go for me then (??) and that he’s been trying to find a woman like me ever since. all the girls he was with had a trait of me, but they were never like me (???). umm, flattering i guess. then he begins to profess his love for me for the last 15 years and that he’s been waiting for this moment for so long (SHIT!!!! run for the hills!!!!).

we went to bed that night in seperate beds, but i woke up the next morning with him next to me. ok, well, i do miss snuggling and cuddling, so i guess that’s ok. then his hands start wandering and the first words out of my mouthwere “NO SEX!”. we hung out for the day, and i enjoyed being in the place that i was, it was a different world for me. not only physically but mentally as well. it’s been a long time since someone was this sprung over me, and i have to say i really enjoyed it. taking me out to dinner, gushing all over me (metaphorically people, get your minds out of the gutters!!!) and just really having a good time.

in what was to be the last morning together, he kept telling me how ‘this feels right. this just feels RIGHT’. no, it doesn’t, i’m just wanting what i haven’t had in a while and i’m kinda leading him on. so we have another one of our ‘honest, open and frank’ talks. now, after 3 days, i’m over these talks. jeezus, you’d think he was a freakin girl! ‘well, i feel….blah blah blah’. jeez man, grow a freakin pair, throw me against the wall and ravish me! but nooooo, ‘i feel….’. ugh.

time to put an end to this. i told him, very openly, honestly and frankly (blah blah blah) that i wasn’t in the same place he was. i couldn’t seem to tell him i was in no way attracted to him, i think that would’ve crushed him! i said that after 15 years, it’s only been 3 days and it was all moving way to fast and he’s coming on super super strong. he said he’s sorry and that he’ll make it up to me when we go camping. oh HELL NO. i’m not spending any amount of time, tucked away in some empty campground somewhere. uh uh. (bgfRD mentioned that i might get decapitated and taken back as a souvenir. that seemed so wrong at the time, but now…..). so in the bathroom, one of the only times i actually got a second to myself, i send out a distress text to bgfRD for help.

“EMERGENCY SITUATION THAT REQUIRES YOUR ASSIST!! LUNCH AND DRINKS WITH MY POPS”

perfect. ‘um, i have to go, i have a client that needs an appointment this afternoon and i have to go. maybe will get together later in the week’. and i was outta there!

head over to bgfRD’s house and my head was spinning! holy mother of all things good and evil!!! this guy has been carrying a torch for 15 years and expects me to….what? what the hell did he expect me to do? reciprocate????

i needed a drink. then another. then another. then i felt ok. talking it over for a little bit with someone else made me realize that this was not a good situation and that i should not see this boy anymore while he’s here. so i did what i do best. i hid out and i ignored. my thinking is that if you ignore it long enough, whatever it is, it will eventually go away. but this boy wasn’t like that. i got text after text: mushy texts- next time i see you i want your lips for a long time, angry texts-so now you’re ignoring me? and the whole gamut in between. and this was just the first night i ditched him!

i was still with bgfRD and his pops out drinking as the texts were rolling in, along with the phone calls which i didn’t answer. we are horrible people, and i feel like a bitch for saying it, but we had a good laugh at some of them.

i continued to ignore texts and phone calls for the next couple of days. i hid out with bgfRD for a couple of days, then i came home and started to face reality. i had to let this boy know what the hell is up.

so i had one more ‘honest, open and frank’ talks. he came on too strong, i don’t know what the future holds, it’s not you it’s me etc etc. then i hung up the phone and decided that i will not answer his calls anymore.

he got sad. then he got angry. really angry. then he was covering up the fact that he got angry and tried to make up for it with lots of exclamation points via texts. still i ignored it. then he got sad and then i felt really bad.

one last phone call this morning, and i decided to take it. he apologized again for coming on strong. he doesn’t understand what happened between us.

i told him 15 years happened.

being sick and single

i am not a good sick person. i turn into a huge baby and if it was a perfect world, i would be coddled at every moment during my sickness. i would want my boyfriend/husband to ask ‘how are you feeling? ohhh, let me make you some tea. can i make you some soup from scratch?’ as they ever so lovingly stroke my hair…..

well, that ain’t the case.

i’m sick and don’t have anyone to take care of me. (i know, boo hoo). i’m ok with being on my own, i’m a big girl, i can usually take care of myself. but when i’m sick all hell breaks loose in my single mind.

i don’t have the energy to go to the store, buy ingredients for soup and to stand there and actually make it. i don’t even have the engergy to buy a can of soup and heat it up. i barely have enough energy to write this blog post (so if it doesn’t make complete coherent sense, you know why. i’m dying). at this point, i don’t need to eat, or drink tea right? it’s ok. i’ll make it to the bathroom and get myself a glass of water and call it good.

i know what you may be thinking, ‘girl, you got some friends don’t you????’ well yes i do, i have a few close friends. 3 1/2 to be exact (1/2 a close friend? yes, long story-a blog post all to itself). and they all have busy lives and they work and a couple of them have significant others. the others? well, they don’t want to get infected, and who can blame ‘em. my apartment is like a nasty sick zone….

so that leaves lil ol’ me. all by myself. sick and single.

it’s ok though, i’ll be fine.

this is where i throw in some clever last line, but i don’t even have the energy for that. i’m going back to bed.

2 brokes

economic downturn, financial crises

ugh, if i hear those words anymore i just might have to kill someone. i know. things are rough. trust me on this one, I KNOW. business has been soooooo slow that i’m really starting to rethink a few things here. 

with that said, i also want to preface this by saying i have never been one that looks for the rich guys, or dates guys just cuz they have money. i don’t really mind what kind of car they drive, the job they have (but please have a job), etc etc. it just never occurred to me to factor that in when dating someone. i always thought, as long as they were decent, we’re good.

well, at least that’s what i thought i thought. 

being that finances are super tight, i don’t need a guy who is more broke than i am. or whose car is one step closer to breaking down than my car. i’m not expecting fancy dinners and the like (although, holy shit that would be nice). i’m in my 30’s, i didn’t mind it so much when i was in my 20’s, but now….now it’s just different. 

it’s just that two brokes don’t make a dating right. ya feel me?