i love being single. i really love the ‘let’s go anywhere right now’ attitude that comes with it!
had quite the whirlwind of trips this holiday weekend.
my bff (had falling out with old bff, this is new bff-he’s been promoted from bgf-best guy friend- to bff) had a cousin get married in vegas last weekend and wanted to cruise out from la la land to say congrats and hello to family he hasn’t seen in 16 years. naturally i offered my services as bff to accompany him on his vegas trip. even if it’s just to sit in the car and keep him company. we weren’t really thinking of staying more than a night, even if it’s a no sleep night kinda night. my only parameters were that we drink heavily, or as much as allowed and still drive, and to make it back to LAX by 10am sunday morning. I had a flight to visit my fam for thanksgiving leaving 11am on sunday.
so, to recap: leave LA friday night, drink heavily, get back to LAX by 10 am sunday. easy breezy.
just after 10 pm friday night
we have a 4 hour ride. no worries. his brother, nephew, dad, cousin and other various members are already out partying. ‘alright, but make sure you guys are still up when we get there’. but as the night and drive wore on, the fam was more and moreinebrieted, we weren’t sure if they were gonna make it for our arrival. our sleeping accomadations were with brother and nephew, so at least they were gonna make it right? wrong.
2am
no ones picking up their phones. all we knew was they’re staying at the luxor. no room number no nothing. thank goodness for smart phones! i got online with his wonder of a phone (i have severe phone envy. his rocks. it’s not an iphone. it’s better) and hooked up a hotel room. that was an interesting convo, i spent most of it trying to tell the other end that we were showing up in 20 minutes, not later that night. we finally score a room at the luxuirous stratosphere.
3 am
we have our first cocktails in hand. he gambled and i watched, cheering him on in my own way. i don’t like to gamble, so i’m just there for the free drinks and for moral support.
5am
5 cocktails later, we are just as ineberiated as brother and nephew must have been.
6am
we stumble to our room
7am
passed out
10am saturday morning
i am up, still drunk and take a shower. somehow manage to get my shit together enough to make myself look somwhat decent. oh, yea, and there was a wedding to attend at 2:30. plenty of time to get ready. i need tea. he needs coffee.
11:30am
he needs a haircut and out comes the smartphone. we find the nearest not so near fantastic sams and pop in. we both look in the mirror and realize we should not be out amongst normal, non casino people. we look like shit. i feel great tho, still drunk. the hangover hadn’t quite made it through the system yet, altho it was creeping.
12:30pm
meet up with brother and nephew. (um, hi there nephew, you’re kinda cute! this will be fun!). hit the bar for the first couple rounds of g&ts. brother has a joint, and we go to the car to smoke it, and discuss the ‘getting ready’ plans for the wedding. now, if you’ve ever been to vegas, you know that just walking to your car from your room is in itself a fuckin 1 hour 22 min walk. i was not gonna make that walk more than necessary so i decide i’m just gonna change in the car. as we’re walking out to the car, brother starts to dry heave. it’s the funniest thing i’ve heard in a week. i wasn’t sure if he was gonna make it, i envisioned puke splashing everywhere on the skybridge. luckily, he ran towards the trash can, dry heaving all the way and makes it in the trash. i’m dying. i haven’t seen a 40 year old in that condition in a while. we get to the car, smoke the joint and i strip down to bra and panties in the parking lot. i didn’t care who saw or what they thought. i just needed to look cute for the wedding. i change, bff and bro are impressed with my skills-and i even got a couple of compliments. nice.
1:15pm
make the long ass walk to brother’s room, which happens to be on the other freaking side of the world. stoned and back on track to gettin drunk, i wait in the room as the boys change. not bad watching a bunch of hotties gettin all cleaned up. i had to keep my composure tho, they are like deer, you can’t spook ‘em. otherwise they get embarrassed and the show’s over. i was caught by bff, but he just laughed. hey, they oogle the hot girls and waitresses in skimpy outfits, let me oogle some good looking men.
2:00pm
meet up with extended fam and get in the cabs to go to the very very end of the strip to where all the chapels are. i’m having severe traumatic flashbacks. i got married in vegas. at the little white wedding chapel (the same one britney spears did, but i did 2 years earlier. funny how they both ended up-in divorce). still having flashbacks and now a severe craving for a g&t (gin and tonic), we end up at the graceland chapel. cute. real cute. and of course elvis is there.
2:30pm
elvis hits on me. but he later apologizes cuz he thought i was the bride. so wait, it’s ok if you’re hitting on the bride? whatever. itsvegas. nothing makes sense in vegas. the ceremony itself was short and sweet, and very funny! i was in the very back, and all i could see of elvis was the hip pumping and gyrating and that was enough for me! we hung out, took some pics and it was done.
3:30pm
at the bar for some more g&t’s. dinner for the reception isn’t until 5 so we hang and drink and we all talk. of course, here and there some of them are playing the slots. i just go along for the ride. i’m doing my best to hang with nephew. seems like a really good guy. wonder what he’s like in between the sheets……ok, that was the gin and tonics talking…i love it when the gin and tonics talk.
4:30pm
meet up with extended fam, and the tequila shots begin. ouch. tequila. we stumble to the taxi line and fall into a taxi to get over to planet hollywood for dinner.
5:00pm
dinner at some brazilian steakhouse. dad was keeping me nicely buzzed. everytime i looked down there was a g&t there. saweet! i’m wearing a super cute dress by the way. the girls were nicely shown off, not slutty, but nice. and every man in there noticed. hence, the g&t’s on the table! gotta work whatcha have, my girls aren’t the biggest, but it’s all in how you work it. a female cousin and i had sat next to one another during the ceremony and we had a good time. she seemed nice. a little conservative, but nice. clearly she noticed my girls too. in a brazilian steakhouse, they come around with skewers of meat and slice them off for you as you like. i didn’t realize it until girl cousin spoke up, but all the waiters were coming around to me first-and i was not in the most convienent location either. but there was a line of them. ‘roasted chicken miss?’, ‘would you like some pork loin miss?’, ‘filet mignon miss?’. i had a pile of meat (ha ha ha literally and figuritilvely) in front of me, while the rest of the table waited. girl cousin said she needed to hang out with more so she could get learn how to work it. that makes me laugh even now. dinner was great, and i realized that this was the first time since getting into vegas that i ate food. g&t’s don’t count?
8:00pm
it’s all kinda blur from here. i know at one point i couldn’t walk in my heels any more,m and i needed to change, i stripped again in the parking lot-this time hottie pottie nephew watched too-and again amazed with my skills, the boys and i were hitting it up. more drinks, they gambled and i watched, more drinks.
11:00pm
bff and i discuss if we should sleep or if we should just pull an all nighter. i vote all nighter. but then we have to vote who drives home. some how i get roped into driving home (which is yay kinda, cuz i’ve been wanting to drive his truck since i’ve met him, but he’s never let me…). i make it a point to tell everyone that come midnight, no more drinking for me. i have to drive in 5 hours.
1:00am
why is there a g&t in my hand? i thought i was driving home? ok, well, i’ll just finish up this one and that’s it.
2:00am
shit. there’s another g&t in my hand. i didn’t even order this one. wtf?
3:00am
we stumble up to brother and nephew’s room for a catnap. watch as paid prostitute works her way up the elevators and goes to work. the boys’ heads are following her ass. one day, with enough working out, my ass will do that to a group of guys as well. ok, gotta get up by 4:30.
3:30am
who the hell ordered the roll away bed? and what the fuck for? why are they calling the room to let us know? fuuuuck.
4:30am
some alarm is going off. time to get up and hit the road. what day is it?
5:00am
bff and i are in the truck, hitting the road. it feels like a new day. even tho we just went to bed 2 hours ago. he drives the whole way, and i stayed up to keep him company. it’s the least i could do.
9:30am sunday morning
checking into my southwest flight at LAX. i look like hell. i’m starving. still drunk? not yet hungover? i smell like vegas. and gin. lots of gin.
11:00am
sitting on my flight with a nasty little snot nosed kid named jacob behind me. kicking my seat. if i had more strength, i would have thrown him out the emergency door.
2:30pm
my brother picks me up. ‘you stink like cigarettes’. i run into the bathroom of the airport, strip-get a nasty ‘oh my goodness’ from crazy lady, and change.
3:30pm
saying hello to my family for the thanksgiving holiday. playing with my niece.
8:00pm
passed out and didn’t get up until 8 am the next day.
i love being a single woman. doing what i want, when i want and with who i want.
viva las vegas!